The spring season is well underway here at the North Carolina Outward Bound School. I personally have instructed two courses at this time, and was promoted to Instructor from Assistant Instructor. My time in the field has gone well and I am finding basecamp to be a great home, as I had expected. This spring at NCOBS is the resumption of programming that we have all been waiting for, since the start of the pandemic. Because of that, there is a great emphasis on covid safety. Before arriving to course, students are getting covid tests, then on the first day of course they get tested again, as do I. Some policies have changed to keep courses as covid safe as possible, but at the core, these expeditions feel the same as before. I have a full season of shorter courses this year due to my role and staffing needs, so unfortunately I won't ever have the opportunity to move into a "household status" with a crew (courses longer than 9 days). It truly does feel weird or even contrived sometimes to be wearing masks in the woods. But it's manageable, and it's the reason we get to program this year, so on we go. Both of these first two courses were with intact groups of 14 year olds from Florida private schools. One was 9 days and the other was 5 days. During the first course, I was still an Assistant Instructor- in other words, not the most experienced instructor on course. For my second course though, after my promotion, I was the "lead" so to speak. This has led to a major mental shift for me, as I myself am forced to go "Outward Bound" in a new way just like my students and figure it out.
It has felt great to be working in the field again, to be so engaged in the mission, tasks, and people at hand. It has been a while since I last instructed, but it returned naturally, and in many ways I feel that I have improved a ton. For example, holding big picture awareness of goals and outcomes that we desire for the crew, as well as having a vision and ability to craft an in-the-moment plan. General confidence is a major area of growth that I have felt this season compared to 2019. That being said, in many ways I still feel just as challenged by this job as I ever have. For example, in my new role as Instructor, I feel deeply the weight of ownership when a crew doesn't achieve what I know they are capable of. I have full faith in all of my students to be efficient, compassionate, resilient heroes, and when they don't exhibit that behavior I see it as an instructing fault of my own. Just for clarity, and so that I can fully verbally process myself out of this ego trip... when a crew does function at or above the level that I believe them to be capable of, my thoughts go "well of course they are this amazing, I simply gave them a structure and tools to exhibit it through". I wouldn't take credit for the success of a crew, but I would feel ownership if students aren't achieving success (whatever that may be... supportive emotional environment, exhibiting self reliance, transference ideas for home etc...). I have found myself in this predicament largely born from good intent, as I am making a conscious effort to operate from a place of compassion as an instructor. It would feel odd to preach compassion to students but not treat them with it. I have been working on "unconditional positive regard" with my students. If a student misbehaves, it is not because they are a bad kid, they are just making a bad choice for how to meet their needs at any given moment. So with compassion for my students in light of some undesirable behaviors, I must find compassion for myself as well. By this, I mean giving myself grace that I'm not a master instructor yet, and each course can simply offer itself as an opportunity for me to further improve my craft. Basically not to get too down on myself when I'm not seeing a crew fully thrive. One of the hardest parts of this job is that often I won't get to reap what I sow, and the best I can hope for is that I am planting seeds for these students. So that's where I'm at mentally as an Outward Bound Instructor. I'm still madly in love with the process and outcomes of a wilderness expedition course, and I have a renewed stoke for the magic of it all. I am sad that I don't have any longer courses this year, but with my schedule, I am super excited to see a great variety of crews. And with that great variety of crews will come a variety of progressions and lots of room for creativity/ trying new things. |
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